Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
