Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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