So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize