Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
