i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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