thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
