You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
