apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
