No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
