According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
