I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
