I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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