Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
