see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
