woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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