you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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