my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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