I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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