I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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