I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
