"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
