then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
