I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
