From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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