i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
please come you make the beer taste better
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
