so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
