I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my poor anus
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
