hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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