I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
