OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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