Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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