How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
