Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
