so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
