The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
