After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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