Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
