Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
