hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Green mimosas i think yes
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize