yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
