When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
