Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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