Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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