then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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