my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
