1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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