girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
BRING THE BAGELS
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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