end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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