you guys were way drunker than both of me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
