Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
