wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
