god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize