god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is my gift to your gina
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
