Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
