We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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