How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
