he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
