Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
