Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize