sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize