This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
