He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
