Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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