i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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