So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
