Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
