Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
