Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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