I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
