just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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