Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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