so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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