found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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