Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
