i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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