i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
