tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
PANTIES FOUND
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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