someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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