How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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