hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
