Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
