did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
