At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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