You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
