and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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