My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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