Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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