that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
a search helicopter?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize