38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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