How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
