Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We're too hungover to prance.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
