If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
