I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
