Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
