Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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