I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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