I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
