woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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