So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
