the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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