you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
